Loving in new ways

Can I just say that I am relieved to be done with my first week at the hospital?  It's been a wonderful learning experience so far, but I'm wiped out!  (Cut me some slack, I've been awake for a solid 17 hours...)  Today had it's own adventures just like every day... patients whose speech I can't understand...patients who don't cooperate very well...and of course some patients who make my heart melt a little.  One thing I've noticed is that I love being friendly to every patient--even if they are difficult.  I figure that those people deserve a smile and friendly greeting more than anyone.  I'm just surprised at how much I love them... I didn't expect that so much.

I'm still figuring out some of the logistics of the internship, but I know it'll come.  Like I mentioned in my last post, my supervisor is so great--she is so patient with me and gives me confidence to keep trying.

On a completely different note, I got copies of our family pictures that we had taken at our reunion in July.  Here are just a few--they turned out great!  I love my family.  They all inspire me to be my best self.

The whole bunch of us.  

Each of my siblings' families had portraits taken, and since
 I am my own "family", I got a glamour shot. :)

My parents and siblings.
(Standing: Nick, Vanessa; Sitting: Kaylene, Mom, Dad, Rebekah, Janelle)

The 810

Come along with me on a ride for a moment (quite literally...we're talking bus rides here...)  This is how the first day of my internship started:

I got to the UTA transit station in Orem at 5:45am this morning--in plenty of time before the 810 bus would arrive to give me a straight shot to the University of Utah Medical Center.  I waited there...a few others there as well.  When the 810 came around, I pulled out my student bus pass, got on, tapped it on the card reader, and almost turned to keep boarding the bus.  But then I noticed that the card reader didn't give me a green light to board.  The bus driver quickly informed me that my pass doesn't work on "express" buses...a distinction I wasn't aware of.  [Note: I did my homework on bus routes, fares, etc, so I really wasn't expecting this.]  But bless this man's soul--he gave me a fare ticket and let me on anyway.  The fare was $8.75, but I got a free ride.  This of course did not set my day off the way I hoped... At a stop in American Fork, a woman sat by me and then she quickly put on her University Hospital badge.  Sweet mercy!  I knew that all I had to do was get off at the same stop as her, and all would be well.  Except, I had no idea how to manage getting back to Orem.  I'm not familiar with all the other available bus/trax routes.  When I walked into the hospital, I quickly went to the information desk, and a kind employee sympathized with my situation and suggested I get some cash from an ATM to pay for my return fare.  I got $10 out of the ATM, but of course wondered whether I would need exact change.  Now, fast forward to 3:30pm.  My supervisor took me to get my official hospital badge, but then I needed to buy a little clip at the gift shop.  The change I got at the gift shop gave me a perfect $8.75 for the bus ride.  As I boarded the bus at 4:25, there was a sign saying "exact change required."  At that moment, I said a little prayer of thanks.  I had the faith that Heavenly Father would look out for me as I started my internship, and this is a simple but very meaningful evidence of his protection.

Now....as for the internship itself:  First of all, I love my supervisor.  Her name is Kristin and she is full of personality, but also laid back.  She talked at me all day long, but was encouraging and made me feel comfortable there.  Talking with her about various patients, reports, etc., she liked what I had to suggest in terms of observations, treatment considerations, and the like.  That really made me feel like "ok, maybe I can do this."  By the end of next week, I will have taken on her full caseload of patients. (Yikes!)  While this is stressful, I can tell that I am really going to like working there.  The environment is great, and I'm learning to just dive in.  I was extremely tired today as I didn't sleep much last night (first-day jitters).  Falling asleep tonight shouldn't be too hard.

As for tomorrow... I think I'm going to drive. :)

Another Chapter Written

Today was one of those days when I closed another chapter in my life.  I've worked at the Key Office at BYU for several years, and today was my last day.  I feel completely ready to move on, but I will certainly miss these girls:

I may have shed a tear when Saryn (green shirt) gave me a hug...  I've spent a good portion of my college career at that office, and I'm so grateful to have enjoyed such good friendships there.

I start an internship at the University of Utah Medical Center on Monday, and I'm both excited and a little nervous.  I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about when that gets underway... there are just so many life changes that are about to happen, and all of it is wonderful.  Life is a blessing.

Love,
J

Sweet Little Lies

We've all felt the discouragement and occasional depression that comes when Satan lies to us.  The only tricky part is to identify those thoughts as lies, not truth.  The past few days, I've been blessed enough to consciously recognize Satan's lies...to know that what I'm hearing in my mind is coming from him and not the spirit.  Satan is persistent though.  Even if we detect his strategy, he'll keep trying.  His lies are low blows--always discouraging, usually backwards, and occasionally very twisted.  And even when we know that he is feeding us a disgusting lie, it's easy to take the bait.  It's easy to give in.  Only when we turn toward Christ and grasp his ever outstretched hand can we escape the power of Satan's lies.  It is in the safety of Christ's Atonement that we can see things (and ourselves) as they really are.  Here's an excerpt from Brad Wilcox's book, "The Continuous Atonement" which I related well to:

In those anxious moments when you don't feel you "all" is enough, the greatest comfort I have found is in knowing any effort is pleasing to God even if He and I both know it's not my all or my best.  It may be far from an acceptable offering, but God accepts it nonetheless because ultimately He is more concerned with the offerer than the offering.  Elder Gerald N. Lund wrote: 'Remember that one of Satan's strategies, especially with good people, is to whisper in their ears: "If you aren't perfect, you're failing."  This is one of his most effective deceptions...We should recognize that God is pleased with every effort we make - no matter how faltering - to better ourselves...'  If I am halfway up the mountain and on my way to the top, it is better than being at the bottom and refusing to try." (Brad Wilcox, The Continuous Atonement, 108)

So keep on trying.

Writing a thesis: An experience of humility, perseverance, and determination

Ever since I defended my thesis last week, several friends have asked me, "so how does it feel to be done with your masters degree?"  First, to clarify one thing, I am not done with my masters.  I'm done with my thesis, which is only 1/3 of my masters program.  And it makes sense that people associate defending a thesis with being done with the whole program.  This is because most graduate students leave their thesis for last.  Well, I ended up being a freakishly proactive over-achiever and I finished my thesis in my first year of graduate school.  Now, before you say, "wow, that's impressive," let me tell you about how challenging that was...and maybe you'll have some pity on me.

I feel that this accurately describes how I often felt writing a thesis.  It's a somewhat vulnerable experience as your writing goes through dozens of rounds of revisions...often concluding with your adviser saying, "I just went ahead and changed some things for you." (at which point I would think to myself: Thank you!!!) Writing a thesis in my first year of grad school meant doing all of the research and writing of my thesis while taking a full load of classes, meeting with three clients each semester, and working as a TA.  Thankfully, I learned some valuable lessons along the way that I didn't necessarily expect.  Here are just a few:

• I learned more about how to be a good writer by writing a thesis than all of the English classes I've ever taken, combined.  In no other class did I get to work one-on-one with a professor to go through 50 or so drafts of a paper.  Those 50 drafts taught me a lot about reading and writing with a critical eye for clarity, organization, and word choice.
• This may be a little obvious, but I learned a good lesson in delayed gratification.  I have no clue how many hours I spent writing, meeting with research participants, or analyzing data in the lab late at night.  But each one of those hours put me one step closer to completion.  And there were times when it was hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel.  
• When you work on research, you aren't working independently in a vacuum.  You depend on other people.  Your goals and timelines might not work out, and not because you didn't try hard, but because research is never a perfect process.  Sometimes I had to learn to say "it'll be ok, I'm not going to worry about factors I can't control."
• Heavenly Father is in the details of our lives.  Towards the end of the study, I was waiting for a computer programmer to finish tweaking a MATLAB program for us to analyze the data.  This was being delayed as the programmer kept running into bugs.  I personally know nothing about MATLAB, and so I felt helpless.  After 4-5 weeks of delays, I finally mustered the humility to acknowledge that Heavenly Father could help to get this analysis program working.  I even had the faith to ask Him to get it working the very next day.  The next afternoon, I received an email from my adviser saying that the bugs had been resolved, and the program was ready for a test run.  What a blessing and answer to prayer.  I certainly never thought that writing a thesis could prove to be a builder of faith.  

So those are a few of my lessons learned.  If it wasn't a requirement for me to write a thesis, there is no way on earth I would have ever done it.  But it's an experience I am grateful for.  

The department secretary makes these mini posters
 to advertise for every thesis defense.
I kept mine as a souvenir. :)

p.s. For those who may appreciate it, I wrote the title of this post in APA format.  I couldn't help myself.

My Abundant Life

Today is my 23rd birthday!  As with every birthday, I tend to do a good amount of reflecting on the previous year...as well as some good thinkin' about where I'm headed. This past year has been amazing in so many ways!  I've survived (quite literally) my first year of graduate school, written a thesis, moved apartments, traveled, and taken on new responsibilities at church as Relief Society president among other adventures.  As I looked back on my 22nd year, I felt gratitude for all that I have, the people I love, and how I've grown.  The growing pains have hurt, that's for sure.  But now I'm ready to face the next year of my life.  This will entail internships, graduation, and applying for jobs.  I'm not sure what my life as a 23-yr-old will bring, but I want to make it a year of growth and excitement.

You see, I always try to be happy and have an optimistic attitude about the hard things in life, but sometimes it takes effort.  Today I found a quote on another blog which inspired the title of my own new blog.  It said, "The moment you start acting like life is a blessing, I assure you that it will start to feel like one."  This is something I want to be better at.  I want to do my best at appreciating every opportunity AND every challenge that comes my way.  Yep, that's my goal for this year.  This train of thought also reminded me of a general conference talk that I love.  Elder Joseph B. Worthlin gave a talk called "The Abundant Life" in April 2006.  If you haven't read it, read it.  Here, I'll make it easy for you: Joseph B. Worthlin "The Abundant Life"

So this brings me back to now.  It has been a good birthday.  I went to Noodles & Company for lunch with my roommate Kyrie, turned in my thesis to the dean's office, went to the temple, spent time with a few friends, talked on the phone with my mom and sister Kaylene, and watched "The Help".  (p.s. I rarely take time to watch movies anymore...so that was a real indulgence.)  I suppose that's all for now...but there is more to come.

-J